i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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