Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
