shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
