im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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