If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
