I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
