I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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