Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
