I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.