i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.