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Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Randomize
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