If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.