who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊