she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
