I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
