i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
