I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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