I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
