How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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