All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You need a sexual gate keeper
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
