I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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