she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
