I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love having hate sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
