Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
