if i can run in heels then i can drive
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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