I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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