im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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