I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm at about main and main street
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
