4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
