Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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