Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's JV to your varsity
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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