This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
