i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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