I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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