The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
