So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
