I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
