just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
True strength comes from lack of pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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