We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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