Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
