You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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