Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
