So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
