Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
