He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
