I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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