Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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