Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
