I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
