No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
