A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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