You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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