I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
