i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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