I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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