if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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