She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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