my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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