Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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