i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
