just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
