Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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