I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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