I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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