do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
