so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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