The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
