I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
