I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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