he told me I talked like a deaf person
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
