? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
