i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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