I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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