pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
