it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
