I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
