Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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